you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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