your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
