dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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