I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
