Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
