Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
