How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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