I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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