Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
