dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
