he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
