i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
