He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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