He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize