at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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