That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
