I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The ass gains better be worth it
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