if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
