Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
