Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
