worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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