i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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