Sry I called you an 8
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
