i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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