What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
