Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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