listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
farters have to be the big spoon...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
