Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish you could order shots online.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
