ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
