Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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