you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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