I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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