u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
