billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize