so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
