I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize