He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
