i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize