You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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