I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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