Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
