I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
