i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
