just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
