What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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