You just made me feel so damn special
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He has the fingertips of a God
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