The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
