I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize