i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
