I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
