You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
