I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
