and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
