we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
