i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
