i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
