fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize