I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize