; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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