Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
