is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize