Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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