a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I puked a lego.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
