I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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