the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
