Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
